Summer Solstice Reflections: A Journey Through Motherhood, Yoga, and Birth
Solstice Before Motherhood
Before I had children, this halfway mark of the year often slipped by unnoticed… a mark that summer was here, that the days would all too soon become dark. And for the last 6 years the solstice has gone by in a blur. I have always found May and June to be challenging — the big uplift of energy that is required to pull out of winter into the busy summer is hard for me. (Perhaps because with two children I find it hard to winter or rest as well as I perhaps need to.)
But this solstice felt different somehow. As if this 6-year transformation from maiden to mother is deeply underway. A new version of me is evolving. On Friday I had a truly beautiful massage and energy healing session with LIFE holistic therapies and it was this experience that brought me to sharing this post with you all this week.
My 6 Summer Solstices: From Maiden to Mother
2019: Pregnancy, Sickness and the Start of My Motherhood Journey
I fell into motherhood like a deer in headlights. I thought I knew where my life was going and that my children would just slot into it. Little did I know my first beautiful baby would bring with him a complete shift in dreams, identity and soul for me!
I fell pregnant with William sometime around the end of March/beginning of April 2019.
I think we found out quite early. I had spotting, then what I thought was just a short period (later realised it was likely an implantation bleed), and then I experienced a heavy bleed from 6 weeks to around 12 weeks.
My 2019 solstice was spent feeling awful, contemplating how on earth I was going to survive another 20+ weeks feeling so poorly. And honestly, I wasn’t sure how I would navigate the sickness for so long. I felt broken already by motherhood. Incredibly alone…
2020: Postnatal Isolation and a Solstice at the Beach
This feeling of being alone filtered through into solstice 2020! The pandemic had hit, we’d been without family for 4 months. William didn’t sleep at night. I knew I was going to lose my job. At the time I had no idea, but something truly brilliant was happening to me… to us…
The lift in restrictions meant I could finally get to the beach and so most days, with William attached to me, we would head out. I’d think, I’d cry, and feel furious, sad, joyful (occasionally). The beach let me explore all of me — the bits I didn’t want anyone else to see. William would sleep, I would walk… alone.
2021: Yoga Teacher Training and Finding My Calling in Birth Education
I started to settle into motherhood. My pelvic pain had reduced thanks to less sling wearing… I was also qualifying to be a yoga teacher and pre and postnatal exercise practitioner. I was learning to trust my body… I was working for Hartbeeps 3 days a week and studying around William. I was exhausted but I had hope. Of a life that was going to be so different to my initial thoughts of what motherhood might be.
William by now was showing just how much he needed me. It wasn’t just a baby phase, on a cellular level I am his comfort (I still am). But it was around about this time, as the fog started to lift, that I began to realise a few crucial things about our first 18 months together…
His birth had not only deeply impacted me but also him. I have more to say about our Northumberland birth experience but not here. Not just yet. Our need for each other — our bond — was derived from early separation. It was at this point I realised that my work would need to involve birth support in some way, shape or form. To change the way other women approached their birth preparation in the North East. And to support mothers like me who struggle/d to process their births.
2022: Connecting to Nature, Menstrual Cycles, and the Pelvic Floor
Finally out of the cloudy fog of the baby stage — William was 2.5 years old — and I loved this period of time with him. Exploring the world through his eyes. At the beach, in the woods, our connection to each other and nature really blossomed. I realised that in order to regulate both of our nervous systems, the outdoors was key. We spent most of this summer/autumn outdoors.
My cycle had finally returned and was settling into a rhythm — a rhythm I hadn’t ever truly understood before. In the almost 3 years I was without a bleed, I began to follow the moon cycles and again I shifted deeper into the power of nature, energy and the feminine. I realised that science doesn’t have all the answers especially not when bodies are involved. I began to explore the possibilities that as women maybe we infact are the experts. Trust. Self love, Self worth. Self healing.
That summer I began to teach pregnancy yoga and started to learn more about the pelvis, and why we experience pain and dysfunction in the pelvic floor, hips and back. Pain in my pregnancy inspired this learning, but I began to uncover and heal the long-term pain I had experienced from my mid-teens in my lower back. Your pelvic floor may just hold the key! If you experiance pelvic girdle pain in pregnancy, or postpartum I have a mini online course designed to inform you of the possible “whys” behind your pain along with some movements that really supported both my own healing and the recovery of many women that I work with. You can see it here Alternatively get in touch and work with me on a one to one basis to improve your pelvic, hip and back pain tailored to your body.
2023: A Summer of Ritual, Rest and Preparing for Empowered Birth
Baby Beatrice was well on her way! I fell pregnant after almost a year of regular cycles — it turns out my cycles at that point were approx 28 days.
And the whole of 2023 had been about leaning into pregnancy, and from the moment I found out I was pregnant, preparing for birth in North East England.
I knew in my heart that if I wanted an empowering, intervention-free birth in the North East, then I had to start preparing at the beginning.
And so through the autumn and winter of 2022 I had rested, meditated (in fact they were the only two practices I could muster to prepare due to pregnancy sickness).
By the time summer solstice hit, I had stopped teaching many of my classes, was journaling daily, and using ritual to connect to my body and my mind multiple times a day. I was outdoors — specifically at the beach — as much as I could be. Prioritising filling up my cup for this baby and birth. And honestly, it was the most empowering process. The love I developed for myself, for my body in my second pregnancy was — and continues to be — so transformational.
This somatic season brought uncertainty but I was excited, for the first solstice in a long time. I had bloomed with nature this year and it felt so aligned, so in sync.
2024: Postpartum Challenges and the Ongoing Work of Self-Worth
An incredible postpartum and autumn faded into a completely depleting winter and spring! I found the beginning of 2024 hard — multiple long illnesses, nothing major but so depleting — and returning to work with the pressure of earning enough.
This solstice felt too quick, too harsh, too hot, too bright. Too soon! It reminded me that actually I was spreading too thin… I needed to try to get back to the power I had to advocate for myself and rest in my pregnancy. (But I wasn’t, and still don’t fully feel that power to prioritise myself.)
You see, I have self-trust and love in abundance, but self-worth??? No, not self-worth yet… it’s coming. But it’s hard work to cultivate and keep strong.
2025: A New Season and a Return to Ritual
The one that feels right. I feel ready for this next transition out of babyhood for a second time with Beatrice turning two in July.
I took a moment last Friday to perform a ceremony of sorts — outdoors in our garden, journaling… yogaing and being alone. It felt right. Just as those practices had nourished me in my second pregnancy, they nourish me now. Ground me. Bring me home.
I found the winter to spring–summer tough — not as tough as last year but tricky nonetheless.
My cycle has once again returned — 20 months after birth. (My menstural rhythm: it’s been 20 months postpartum that my menstruation has returned after both of my babies. Again another astonishing way your body supports your health and wellbeing is by only allowing your cycle to return when it knows it is ready)
The return of your periods after birth is a topic that many women ask me about in classes but that we rearely see shared in birth education classes. I always include informtion about the menstrual cycle in my work with women becuase it is foundational in understanding and respcting our bodies. Your cycle is how your baby was made. It is part of who you are. Wether you bleed or not your monthly cycle is so crucial.
Closing Thoughts on Solstice and Motherhood
I have more surrender in me than ever before. Less pushing, more accepting.
Do I have it all worked out? Goodness no! I feel stretched most days. I am still tired. I’m rubbish at setting boundaries for myself!
As we turn into the closing-in part of the year, I feel ready.
So there you have it — a little more about me… A surface snapshot of the evolution of my motherhood journey so far…
We are 6 solstices in. And I’m a completely different woman to the one who started this journey. And I’m so excited to see how these next seasons shape me.
Thank you for being here.
Chloe x
If any of this resonates with you please do get in touch! I truly love connecting with you on a personal level. Your voice matters so much to me.
And if you would like to work with me in pregnancy you can access my FREE oga flow here or find our more about my in person pregnancy yoga retreat days and birth education workshops here.
My pelvic floor mini course gives you a window into the knowledge you need to support your body healing if you have pelvic girdle pain in pregnancy or pelvic floor dysfunction after birth and you can find out more here.
