Christmas number 6. Motherhood and Christmas, the challenges the joy. The tempering expectation.

Refections of festive seasons past as a mother of 1 and then two…

The month of December can bring both joy and sadness for us. I certainly feel that when speaking with you all in person or in messages at the moment.

So today I am sharing a little about my 5 Christmas’s with a baby/s earth side.

Your first Christmas is probably not going to bring the magic you might expect.

Forgive me but I hope by sharing here you will feel witnessed in the challenges that a Christmas with children bring. (as well as the magic)

Our first Christmas with William was to be very frank horrible. We were meant to be sharing it with my mum who lived down south at the time but the second “lock down” meant she was alone and the weight of that was HUGE for me.

William I think felt my heart break and was so unsettled he cried most of the day. Particularay for about two hours just as dinner was made. It was pants. He was almost one and this period is SO tough. It’s the point where everyone expects that life returns to normal. The baby no longer so needy. Well my baby still only wanted me. Was breastfeeding more often than he did as a newborn and also had his own desires that he was not afraid to let us know about.

The strain of Christmas on the ones you love most…

On a very personal note mine and Bens relationship was really strained by now. William wouldn’t settle with Ben at all he got so distressed. And after a full day and many hours of being in contact with William through the night what I really needed was to be alone. So the physical and emotional connection to Ben was none existant. We are still slowly patching together pieces from that part of our lives. (Crazy to think a baby can both unite and separate you more than ever.)

Our second Christmas was better we did the traverling to see everyone and it felt a bit more magical. Although as parents we were both still shattered for different reasons.

A moment of union beyond my childhood dreams!

By Christmas number 3 I was throwing up and feeling very poorly with a newly made baby Beatrice! But William was so incredibly excited. We actually had both my mum and dad here (they separated before I was born) and it was a very sureal experience as my Christmas wish every year as a little girl was to have them together. It finally came true age 33!

Two children, illness and exaughstion.

Our first Christmas with Bea was good. I had worked hard on rest through my third trimester so felt good heading into November. But I was struck down with a flu like bug that I just couldn’t get better from. 4 month old babies feed more, sleep less and need so much more of you.

And if I’m honest the whole of 2024 was hard. I didn’t really catch my breath with a return to work thrown in. Last Christmas I didn’t buy a single present. I asked family to help with gifts for the children. We had the most rubbish decorations. The house was upside down. The day itself was beautiful. Last year the magic really was alive and the children helped us to feel it.

I have to stop working to hold Christmas in the way I want to..

So this year we are in an better place. For those of you who don't know me well Beatrice is 2 yrs 4 months. It takes me that long after birth function in a way that you can plan ahead. I have taken from the 15th of Dec off. No working in between.

We have put the decorations up already over two weeks because then I know I can manage the overwhelm and fall outs and still make it magical for them both.

And I know not all of you can just take Christmas off but I just want to recognise that in order to be well regulated, calm and not ill or so tired I cannot think. I have to do that.

And it’s taken me 5 (almost 6 years) to learn this.

The point of this post is that Christmas is challenging. To please everyone and meet your own expectations.

I hope that you now feel less alone after reading a very brief account of all my Christmas’s as a mother.

One day I know I will done the sequins again, possibly enjoy a glass of fizz. (although my tolerance of alcohol is at an all time low! I just love the taste but it makes me feel so sad the following day if I drink and at the moment that is not a price I wish to pay)

I hope you have a nourishing Christmas. One that lights you up in all the ways you need it to.

And know that you can reach out to share your joy or your sadness at any time. I love to hear from you all and I know those of you reading this really value the words on the page.

I cannot wait to continue to nourish you as a mother in the new year from Pregnancy and postnatal Massage in your home in the North East of England. In yoga classes across Morpeth and cacao ceremonies and retreat days for mothers in mid Northumberland and online.